So up until about 5:00 this morning, I realized I have felt like a long-term babysitter. Then came surgery day and all of the sudden, I now feel like a mom.
Last night was difficult. I was sleeping in E's twin bed, he was on a pillow pallet on the floor next to me, and my mom (aka, Bea) was in my bed. I was startled out of my second hour of sleep by massive flashes of lightening at around 2:00 am. A few seconds later, E was also jolted wide awake by an enormous thunder clap and lightening strike. The power went out and he ended up in the [twin] bed with me and therefore sleep was a spotty commodity the rest of the night.
After getting up at 4:45 and getting ready, I picked up a still sleeping 4 year old from his bed and made my way through the torrential downpour to get in the car for our hospital departure. As I performed this hefty task (the boy is solid!), I flashed back in my mind to one early morning when I was 4 and my daddy carried me to the car to go to the hospital for my foot surgery. It was this that began to cement feeling of being a "Mommy" into my heart and mind.
This feeling was perpetuated throughout the morning as the doctors and nurses came in and out of the room to talk to us, give updates, and check on Little Man as he recovered. I'm not sure why it took two months of caring for a little one full time to bring this fact to the forefront of my mind, but now that it's there, it has changed something inside of me.
Now the things that bothered me before (see earlier post) have lessened in intensity. Don't get me wrong, they're still there... and come to think of it, I'm probably opening Pandora's box of things that will irritate me even more. However, for now, this works for me.