Life Among the Unknowns

So what's happening now?

I don't know.

How long will you have them?

I have no clue.

What's the plan?

I have absolutely no idea.

Foster care is a world of unknowns.

The lives of the children that I care for are not in my hands. The decisions about their little lives are not my decisions to make. It's up to a judge, a social worker, a supervisor, a GAL, a lawyer, a family member. 

Let me be totally transparent for a moment... This scares me half to death.

In my head, I know that God is ultimately in charge. He has these little ones resting safely in the palm of His hands. 

But I worry. I worry because we live in a fallen world. I worry because people who make decisions outside of God's will effect the lives of those around them... Of those whom they are making the decisions for. Even though I know that God is bigger than all of these people, I still can't remove this human element from the equation. The entropy that ensues when decisions are left up to fallible people... I am terrified that with one word, with one mistake, things will derail. And who, of all those involved pays the price for a bad decision? The child.

This is a broken system, with broken people, that make broken decisions, for children in a broken world. 

And even when you think it's done. The decision has been made, the approval has been granted, the plan has been written... Something else comes up that sends everyone scrambling back to the drawing board. 

We are now dealing with the scramble. No one knows what will happen. No one knows what life will look like for this little one in a year, six months, one month. I don't know where he will be, who he will call mommy, who will protect him. And I'm scared. 

I cannot rest while everything is up in the air. I cannot let my guard down. I cannot be at ease. I cannot stop calling out to the One who knows this child better than anyone else ever will. Crying out for truth to come to light. Begging for this mountain to be moved. 

Please pray with me. Pray that this is resolved quickly. Pray that the right decisions are made. Pray that the facts are examined and God gives those involved in this situation clarity and wisdom. 

Therefore, don’t be afraid of them, since there is nothing covered that won’t be uncovered and nothing hidden that won’t be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the light. What you hear in a whisper, proclaim on the housetops. Don’t fear those who kill the body but are not able to kill the soul; rather, fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Aren’t two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s consent. But even the hairs of your head have all been counted. So don’t be afraid therefore; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:26-31 HCSB)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

Please pray with us through the unknowns.

          Painting by Amy Vos McLeod.

The Time Draws Near

The time is drawing near

When I will have to let you go.

It weighs heavy on my heart

Like lead to my grieving soul.

Lately I've been successful

At distracting myself from tears.

But as your departure looms ever closer

And the day is almost here

I find that just below the surface

My emotions are bubbling up

Sending tiny daggers of desperation

But at the same time, gasps of hope.

You are going to where God is leading

He is ordering your every move

You, dear child, are an intrical part

Of what God will one day do.

As much as it pains me to let you go

To hand you off to another

As much as I want you to stay in my arms,

To be your forever mother.

I can't be selfish and keep you away

From what God has called you to

For I only want the best for you

And nothing less than God's best will do.

You are special, little blessed one,

I've known it from the beginning.

There's a light in your eyes, a sparkle, a promise

Of the hope that you'll one day be giving.

As our time together begins to wind it's way down

I know what it is I will do.

I will pray over you and hug you close 

And thank my God for blessing me with you.