Sunday, September 9, 2012

Thoughts at the Big 3-0(h, SNAP!! I'm 30!!)

 Funny how our best laid plans for ourselves are pretty much laughable when we look back on them. Hind sight is 20/20, right?

Laughable plans that never happened list:
1. I was sure that I would meet the man I was to marry whilst in college. 
2. Not only would I meet that man, but I would be married to him right after graduating from college.
3. I would have at least one biological child before the age of 25 and be ready to adopt and have at least 3 or 4 more before 30.

What really happened list:
1. If I met my future husband in college, neither of us have figured it out yet.
2. Well, I think number one pretty much makes number two impossible, eh?
3. Ha ha! Well, not only am I running 5 years late on the whole first child thing, but I'm now at the point (and have been for a while, actually) where having children biologically is not something that appeals to me. Nothing against it, but I'm happy with the idea of solely adopting and fostering.

So now for the true reason that I'm writing... Turning 30 isn't hard, per se. What's hard is looking at where I thought I would be and where I am is just a little hard. In most moments, I am perfectly happy being single and childless. I am able to appreciate the simplicity that this lifestyle affords. However, if you asked me if this is where I want to when I'm 40 or 50, and I actually answered honestly, the answer would be no. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone and that thought honestly scares me. I remember looking at single friends approaching 30 when I was in my early 20s and pitying them. Wow... What a difference a decade makes. 

So to come full circle on this... I have faith that God has the BEST plan for me. I refuse to settle for anything less, even though I've come close to settling in the past and God graciously plucked me out of the situation(s). I will trust that where I am and what I'm doing this very moment is part of the path that God has laid out for me. 

I truthfully cannot have a nice, neat little wrap up here and say something like, "I will embrace and celebrate 30... What a great age!" Yeah, not even close to saying that. However, I can say that I am happy in the place that God has me at the moment, and I look forward to seeing what else He has in store for me!

I blog with BE Write

No comments:

Post a Comment